Home-Schooling: What about social skills?

In this post, I examine the myth that home schooling children are too isolated to develop healthy social skills. While it was written specifically with sailing home-schoolers in mind, it pertains to any children in other settings, as well.

There’s a common myth that sailing children may not develop social skills because they lack contact with other children. In fact, there are families with children of all ages out cruising in all parts of the world, and you will find them. But it does take a little time. Each of our two sailing trips (the first, one year across the Atlantic, and the second, three years across the Pacific) started with a month or two of only brief contact with other sailing families. It wasn’t until we got on track with a major cruising route (ie.Gibraltar in October/November, heading to the Canary Islands and across the Atlantic; and then in Panama at New Years, when all the Pacific-bound sailors congregate at the canal) that we met more families who we could stay with. Then we made close friends with several other families and stayed together for thousands of miles.

Sailing kids play together on beaches and on the boats; they do field trips together and even have sleepovers - just like kids at home. On passages, they chat on the radio (VHF and SSB). So it can be much more social than people imagine. Of course, it helps to keep your cruising plans flexible to match other families’ schedules. We seem to go through phases: at times, we have a lot of social contact with sailing families. At others, we might not have another family around, so we focus back on our own family time, which is nice, too.

So what about the myth that sailing children are too isolated to develop healthy social skills? I would posit that many sailing kids develop better social skills than they do at home, because friends are such an appreciated “commodity.” Our son was very shy when we started our Pacific trip and wouldn’t initiate contact with other kids without our help. But within a few months, he was comfortable meeting and playing with new acquaintances. My favorite example was in an anchorage in the Marquesas, when I told him (then age 8) that there were some other kids there. Not to get his hopes up too high, I said “but they are a little younger, they’re girls, and I think they only speak French.” He answered: “I don’t care!” and insisted on meeting them immediately. Soon they were swimming and playing together like old friends. They quickly learned a few words of each other’s language, and we sailed with that family for the next few months.

In Bora Bora, four sailing families with eight children spent two weeks in one anchorage together. In Suwarrow (a remote, uninhabited atoll in the Cook Islands), there were fourteen kids at one time! There is no language problem for younger kids, who communicate through playing anyway: one can be speaking German, and the other Norwegian, but they don’t seem to notice, and quickly learn some rudimentary English!

Conflict resolution is a social skill that is constantly called on in school settings, where there are inevitably clashes of one kind or another. Sailing kids experience fewer direct conflicts, because they usually socialize in smaller groups with more parental supervision. Still, I believe that sailing kids do learn to deal with conflict - mostly, by learning to avert trouble at a much earlier point that most school children do. They want to enjoy time with other kids, not get aggravated. Most sailing kids we know are very considerate and accommodating with each other.

A social skill that sailing kids generally master better than “regular” kids is dealing with a wider age range of children. In a normal school setting, kids deal only with other kids of their own age. Sailing children don’t have as many choices in friends, and they get along well with younger and older kids. They learn patience, leadership, and acceptance, and they are challenged to find creative solutions to make play across age ranges fun.

Many sailing parents find opportunities for their children to sample traditional school atmosphere as they travel. This way, the child can experience what it is like to sit at a desk, surrounded by other children, go to recess, eat a group lunch, and perhaps move to specialty areas with art or sports equipment. In one Pacific cruising season, my son spent a day in a school in Tonga and two weeks at a school in New Zealand. It was a social challenge that he mastered very well and enjoyed - though he still concluded that home schooling is better (words to warm my heart!). He also spent three weeks in a summer camp program in New Zealand for more variety of experiences and a different type of social contact.

Ultimately, the social skills problem is usually a myth - and certainly no reason to stop you and your family from realizing your dreams!

For tips on home schooling and other aspects of life aboard, see Lesson Plans To Go, Lesson Plans Ahoy, and Cruising the Caribbean with Kids.